The End.

Well, my time in Italy is all up. I have very mixed emotions over it. I am glad to be home and to see everyone, but honestly, Tuscania has become my home. I felt like I was moving away from a place I had been forever. It was honestly one of the hardest things I have ever done. I have moved 8 times in my life being an Army brat and none of those times have affected me more than this move back home.

I took all my finals and I think I did good on all of them. Cinema was pretty difficult, but I think I did pretty decent on it...even though the teacher is out to get me! Italian was a little challenging, but, again, I felt pretty prepared for it so it wasn't terrible. There was no final in sketch really. We just went over all of our work from the semester. Then cooking and wine were both really easy cause the teachers just gave us the answers pretty much while we were taking the test. I am going to miss all of my teachers...well not my cinema teacher haha, but they were all just so great. They were all so humble and nice and warm-hearted. I actually enjoyed going to school this semester. My favorite class was definitely cooking. He was my favorite professor and the class was always such a blast. I have learned so much from that class too. I loved it!

The last full week felt so surreal to all of us. We were packing all of our stuff little by little throughout the week and having our final inspections. We were doing everything we needed to but at the same time it didn't feel like we were actually leaving. We never really thought this day would truly come. It just didn't seem real. It didn't hit any of us until our last moments there. On Thursday night we had our farewell dinner. It was at the same place that we had our welcome dinner. We had a 3 course meal and all of our landlords came and our professors and a few locals. It was like one big family dinner. The staff gave speeches and they all ended the same. They all said, "You come as students, and you leave as family." and it truly did feel like they meant that. After the dinner we got the bar, Mr. Kat, to stay open late for us and we all went out to celebrate. It was so nice having everyone together in one place and just having a good time.

Friday was really strange. It was our last day in Tuscania. Me, Caroline, Jenny, and Sara all got up early and made breakfast together. We made french toast, bacon, and mimosas. It was such a great breakfast with just the roommies. It was our last hoorah together. Then we went to the local market one last time and wandered around town. Then we went to school to print our boarding passes for the airport and say our final goodbyes to the advisors. That is when it started to hit us that we were really leaving. I was doing perfectly fine until I gave my first final hug. As soon as I wrapped my arms around the advisors to say goodbye I started to tear up. This was really happening. I am going to be leaving these people that I have seen every single day for the past 3.5 months of my life. How am I going to function without them? It was such a strange and unwelcome feeling. We all finished our packing and a few of us went out to eat together that night and then we went out on the town one last time. We went to Cafe Del Duomo first. I got to see the volleyball guys one last time and I got to have one last Green Jamaican drink one last time. Then we were off to Mr. Kat one last time. We had a great last night out with everyone. Then we had to say our goodbyes. Me, Caroline, Sara, and Connor were leaving at 4AM to go to Rome for the airport so we did not go to sleep that night. We left Mr. Kat at 2AM so that we would have enough time to finish packing before we got picked up. So we said our goodbyes. I think that I have been the least emotional person this whole trip, but once I started to hug everyone I was a complete wreck. I am tearing up thinking about it right now. I knew it was not going to be easy to say goodbye because it never is, but I was not expecting it to be that hard. I didn't want to let go of anyone. I had to soak it all up. I was crying so much that my vision was blurred and my face was red. I have never been so sad to leave people before in my life. I really do consider these people my family for life. Then it was time to start the roommate goodbyes. Those were even harder. I have lived with these 3 girls for the past 3.5 months every single day. We became so close in such a small amount of time. I honestly feel like I can talk to them about anything and everything. I love those girls to death and we will always be friends. They will all be bridesmaids in my wedding one day. They became my best friends. Saying goodbye to them was the worst feeling ever. It made my stomach hurt. Caroline was always so fun to be around and she understood me so well. We were pretty much twins. Jenny was the sweetest girl I have ever met and so smart and beautiful. We had so much nerdy things in common and she gave the best hugs in the world. Sara was like the mom of the group, but the coolest mom ever. She is one of the strongest and most amazing person I know. She has so much confidence and spunk and she is just such a great person overall. I strive to be like her one day. I love you girls. You are like the sisters that I never had.

I had no problems really with the flight. It was just really long and tiring. I got home at about 9:30PM. My best friend Alyssa was at my house along with my mom and brother. My dad came to pick me up at the airport. It was really strange being in a car driving home. America is so boring looking. It is so plain. Even the plain areas in Italy were exciting and gorgeous. Here it is nothing. I stared out the window the majority of the time just missing everyone already. I feel almost awkward being here. I still find myself using Italian words every now and then without realizing it and laughing at random things that no one understands. It is a weird feeling and I dont like it. I dont like it at all. I think the culture shock has been much greater coming home than it was going to Italy. Nothing has changed here. No one has changed here. In a way it is comforting, but at the same time its boring. I am ready to go back to Tuscania now. I really do feel out of place. It was so weird going to bed in a different room and without a roommate. I dont like not being able to walk everywhere and recognize everyone in town. I dont feel like myself here. I think because I completely let myself go and didnt care what people thought while I was gone and I really got to find myself in Italy and figure out who I am, and here I feel like I have to be the same person that I was when I left. I dont feel comfortable here like I did in Italy. I feel judged here and like people are expecting certain things from me and I just feel like I cant completely let myself go and just be me here. People already know me as one person and I feel like I cant just suddenly change just cause I was gone for 3.5 months. I like the me that I was much better in Italy rather than the reserved person I am here in the US. I even feel closer to my friends that I made in Tuscania than I do with my friends that I have known since I was 10 here. It is really sort of an out of body experience and not a very good one. I cry at random moments because I miss the small town of Tuscania, the advisors, the social life in Tuscania, the friends, the roommates, the atmosphere, and I miss myself and how I was in Tuscania. I no longer feel at home here. I feel at home in Tuscania. I had so much more confidence in Tuscania and now that I am back here I am going back to my old ways already. I judge myself more and I critique myself harder here. I dont like doing that and I dont know how to shake that off here. I had no problem with that in Italy. As much as I missed my friends and family while I was gone, I think I miss my life over there more. Dont get me wrong, I am happy to be home and to be in my own house and sleeping in my own bed, but I really feel sorta lost here. I am sure this feeling will go away because when I fist got to Italy I was home sick, so I think I am just experiencing the same thing again. It is just all really bizarre.

Studying abroad has been the most terrifying, shocking, strangest, stressful, emotional, and the most amazing time of my life. I do not regret one second of it and I would not take back anything (even being pick-pocketed!). It was so thrilling to go somehwere where you do not understand a word of what they are saying and learning how to live on your own without help from anyone. I really think that everyone should study abroad at some point in their lives. It opens your eyes to the rest of the world and it makes you a better person. I learned so much in such a short period of time and made friends that will last a lifetime. When I think back on everything that I have done, it baffles my mind. I went to Tuscania, Pisa, Venice, Florence, Rome, Montebello, Montalto, Viterbo, Tarquinia, Paris, Dublin, Theseloniki (sp?), Madrid, and a million other little towns all in 3.5 months. How many people can say that they have done something like that? I am just so blessed to have this life. I am so blessed to have the opprotunity to do everything that I have done. I am just so grateful for everything. It was the time of my life and I will never forget it. It is something that I will be able to talk about for the rest of my life. I can't wait to go back.

Until next time...ciao!